After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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