if i can run in heels then i can drive
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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