I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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