dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
