Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
