and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
