This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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