And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
