Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
