Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I skipped work to stalk him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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