I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
