He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
