My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
