Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
