wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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