I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
