Four minutes until I can fart!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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