he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
