she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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