I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
