Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
