It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Farmville is her only friend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
