Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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