it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize