I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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