I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't deserve a penis
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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