This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
