I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize