I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
