I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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