I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize