it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
