What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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