actually, I'm a sock model
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it's like iHOP with fire
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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