We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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