he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
