yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
