grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
