i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
