god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
