Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
