Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
