i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
