Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
