Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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