I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
