I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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