when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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