Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
