So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize