Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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