Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
