We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
