did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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