not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
