Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
did you just send me my own nude
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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