I feel like abortions should bother me more
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
