I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
