"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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