I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
