MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
