what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
