forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize