yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
