ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
