I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
